OluwafunmibiFayemi

Life should be lived like you mean it without limits. . .

BET ON YOURSELF — August 15, 2018

BET ON YOURSELF

A quote Beyonce once said that deeply applies to me! 👌

I’m very much not the betting type, somehow, growing up, I made myself believe luck ain’t really my thing so I don’t go near gambling, betting or involving in any form of scheme and not even getting general bonuses from network providers further made me believe even when I see others around me getting them (lol). But, one thing I’ve ever gambled on is Myself. My pollyannaish attitude to life always make me believe I can get through any situation or stage I find myself. There is always hope for every new day.

Betting on yourself is almost always as a result of Self-confidence. The positive attitude you hold about yourself with realistic views that allows you to move forward and achieve your goals. With Self-confidence, even if things don’t go your way, you still believe that eventually, somehow, some way, they will.

For me, I practically visualize myself being and acting confident, and achieving what I wish by confidently going after it. Will there be fears? Yes. Will I be certain of the results? Not every time. But, I’ll do it anyways. Sweaty palms; Wobbly feet; Heart in my mouth. When negative thoughts and why it won’t work start popping up;

I self-talk myself to stop thinking and reframe my thoughts into positive ones, I eulogise myself for actually trying, I evaluate myself for stronger sense of self and I take risks by looking at new experiences as an opportunity to learn. Understanding that failure is a guaranteed part of the learning process and accepting this will reduce the frustration and disappointment I may feel along the way.

Betting on yourself doesn’t imply you’re unrealistic about yourself and continue reading.

Advertisements
Dear 20Something, — August 11, 2018

Dear 20Something,

Love and Light

After my 10th birthday, my mum got so sick even she was scared of dying. As a child, I couldn’t do much than stay by her sick bed, help her sit up, get her stuffs, cry with her while I assure her she’ll get through (which she eventually did) and I’ll make promises of things I’ll do for her. I begged her one night to please stay with me and my brothers, that, in ten (10) years time, I’ll be old enough to take proper care of her (commonsensically, my 10 year old self summed up 6 years in high school and 4 years in the university and figured I should be okay enough to take on huge responsibilities by age 20).
Well, I did my 18th birthday as a freshman in the university and had my 23rd birthday just a month after graduating (I did a 5-year course). I definitely grew into taking up responsibilities long before I was 20 years old, but, the point is, left to my futuristic calculations at age 10, I wouldn’t be ready by that age 20 for that which I promised her. Four years into my 20’s, I’m still not there yet.

I was depressed for my 23rd birthday worrying about figuring it all out (thought I was having midlife crisis until a friend asked me if I intended to die at 46 – lol). After that brief dark moment, I realized if I want to enjoy my 20’s in a peaceful fulfilling way, I can’t fit everything into just this magical decade.

There is so much pressure to discover purpose, travel around the world, get a bearing on your career, find a healthy balance, stay committed to your fitness routine, get partnered, make millions, write a book, make babies, start a podcast, get your doctorate degree – all in a space of a decade.

Some people probably get it right before age 22, and some age 25 or even 29, that’s them. I’ve purposefully chosen not to accomplish some goals until I’m 60. I probably won’t explore the world until I’m in my 70’s. I don’t plan on making babies until my late 20’s and early 30’s. You probably won’t catch me lifting weights until I’m in my 40’s (and my bones have started hissing). I may even not get to the peak of my career until I’m in my mid 50’s (I look forward to 2040’s already). But, in my 20’s, I’ll take my vitamins, do my situps, dream, find myself and live like I mean it. Continue reading.

Oh! It Is Malaria. — July 14, 2018

Oh! It Is Malaria.

If it didn’t happen to me, I would have argued that it’s a hearsay, but here I am writing about it. I’ve not been feeling too good for over a month now, but I mostly just attribute it to stress and harsh weather, so, I usually just rest it out and after a while, I’ll feel better. Until last week, I started having nightmares (that I wake up from, feeling the physical exhaustion from the struggles in my dream). I remember one that I woke up panting and paranoid (because I was running from someone). And honestly, I wasn’t scared. I didn’t see it as a spiritual thing (like my culture might have made me do), I only talked about it to a friend and it was on a very light mood. I was sure I’m fine, I’m in a good place (could be better tho) where relating with God is. So I basically just assumed it might just be images that conjured up because of the different Action and Crime movie series I’ve been watching lately. So no worries.
Well, until this last Sunday when I woke up with a very bad body pain which was all over (with more concentration on my thighs). Apparently, I had a nightmare where I was fighting using my body and kicked so hard till I woke up. What made this nightmare different was the pains, it felt so real but I chose not to pay attention to it. I went to church, went for lunch, came back and had a nap. I woke up from the nap with a very high body temperature and that was when I panicked. This ain’t no joke. . . Couldn’t reach my mum so I called my Pastor who prayed with me late that night because I was so scared to sleep (what I didn’t realize was that those struggles in my dreams was my body fighting the fever hitting it – I think it should have a psychological link tho).
I told a friend who insisted I go to the hospital because he has read about malaria causing nightmares and my symptoms are obviously fever so he encouraged me to treat malaria, which I did, the next day (Monday).
I took to Google (make it your bestfriend) to do my personal research and guess what I saw, he was right. According to FDA reports on ehealthme.com; Nightmares is found among people with Malaria, especially for people who are male, 20-29 years old, gender wise – 47.77% female and 52.23%male. I also found out that there are some co-existing conditions for people who have nightmares when down with malaria, and these are;
– Vestibular Disorder (disorders of the body’s balance (vestibular) system in the inner ear)
– Enteritis Infectious (infection with feline parvovirus (fpv), also known as feline panleucopenia virus)
– Preventive Health Care
– Multiple Allergies (allergy to multiple agents)
– Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
While the top symptoms for people with nightmares when malaria hits them includes;
– Insomnia (sleeplessness)
– Depression
– Dizziness

Continue reading.

HAPPINESS — June 28, 2018

HAPPINESS

For sometime now, “Happiness” has been a very heavy topic on my mind. Majorly because of my personal state of mind (I can literally call myself a Queen at mood swings) and day to day news too (especially the series of suicides and topics on depression trending everywhere). I struggled a lot with writing this post out of personal consciousness but after some random talks with a couple of people, I figured I really need to address it so I finally took time to look into the concept of happiness.
Happiness can be said to be relative in meaning because what it means to one person can be different to another, but, there are some generalized definition according to some scientific disciplines;
Psychology defines happiness as a mental or emotional state of well-being which can be defined by, among others, positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy and also to a sense of meaning and satisfaction from life.
Philosophy and (western) religion defines happiness in terms of living a good life, or flourishing, rather than simply as an emotion.
Economists also developed numerous surveys, indices, and equations to let us know which nations and people are the happiest. It is believed that factors like individual income, social security, employment, relationships, children, freedom, and leisure, have a big impact on our happiness.
In my opinion, happiness is a state of mind that you have to choose. It doesn’t matter what you see or hear, its a choice you need to be purposeful about. This, I can buttress from the psychologists’ view that says, circumstances are responsible for only about 10% of our personal levels of happiness. Studies have shown that regardless of what happens to people, their happiness levels tend to return to what they were before the event in about two months. This phenomenon is called the hedonic treadmill or hedonic adaptation Continue reading

Hello Saturday, — June 16, 2018

Hello Saturday,

“Live by Decision, not Emotion.”

Honestly, you’ll never feel like doing a lot of things. Its just better we stop deceiving ourselves by trying to wait for that moment we’ll “feel” like doing a thing to do it. I remember drafting this post since Wednesday and if I’m to be honest with myself, I didn’t feel like posting it immediately because I kept giving myself reasons why I shouldn’t yet (especially my media upload that keeps failing) and kept on promising myself, I’ll do it later and the later comes and I’ll pick another later. I woke up earlier today to get rid of that “Later Syndrome” only to find out my media upload is not yet functioning, which has been like that since I got the domain name (hiccups you face when a layman tries to design her blog herself – it’s been fun and educative for me tho). So, yet, another reason to postpone the post. But, Hell-No, not today! I tried to install a couple of Plugins for media upload and none seems to work so I finally concluded that I’ll just keep posting without media till I get help or have it all figured out by a developer (so, now you know why there is no picture story).

Activity is exactly like a light switch, you only ignite it when you flip the switch despite the fact that there is power in it all the time. There is always the ability to be active, but no energy flows until you actually get moving.Continue reading.

@24 II — June 9, 2018

@24 II

So, in my last post, I started a discussion on my 24th lesson and I labeled it “Be Purposeful“. I talked briefly about purpose and gave some ideas on some things to be proactive about in order to live our desired purposeful lives. Like I said in my previous posts, these points are not listed in order of importance, I write them as they come to mind, they are all important and I’ll try to wrap it all up in this post.
4. Practice
Living purposefully focuses on growth and improvement. You have to keep moving forward to achieve this. Naturally, you experience fear of failure, but, when you are living purposefully, you come to understand that you learn from every result. You accept full responsibility for the results you achieve. You breathe life into your craft when you practice it everyday as a lifestyle and not just a job. It could be a physical, mental, or spiritual practice, and it could be all three, but, practice defines our life and what our purpose is for living.
What differentiates a life of fulfillment and that of discontentment ultimately comes down to our intention to practice growth every day. We see beyond the limitations presented by our mind or body. We make decisions because we know what we want from life and keep at it.
5. Work With Your Standard
When you’re purposeful, you know who you are, your purpose, your values, your goals. You dedicate your life to pursue these and when making tough decisions comes up, you are not under pressure. You have standards set for yourself and act in accordance with your values. You seek supportive collaborative relationships aimed at achieving mutual benefits, you don’t have need for competition, comparison or jealousy. Your standard includes continuous growth, you constantly develop new knowledge and skills which can be of use to serve others while you work on achieving your personal goals and objectives. And you see the beauty in life, you appreciate every moment. . . Continue reading.

@ 24 — June 7, 2018

@ 24

Find you God’s will for your life!

For the past 3 years now, I’ve made it a birthday ritual yearly to write at least a lesson I learnt over the year(s) and this year is not going to be an exception. I’m going to be sharing my 24th lesson and I hope you get to pick one or two points for use.
Lesson 24: Be Purposeful
Often times, when we talk about people living a purposeful life, what comes to mind are successes like being awarded as the best actor/actress, winning a competitive event, acing in a particular field, getting promoted in an organization, and the list goes on and on. But, does it have to be when we are fabulously successful at some glamorous profession before we can feel purposeful in life, or is there more to it?

In my opinion, to be at the centre of God’s will for your life is to be living a purposeful life.

A purposeful life allows you to adapt effortlessly to situations, even when things ain’t working right and you stray from the path, with a little conscious effort, you can usually guide your way back and this you have to be proactive about by purposefully doing a couple of things which are not arranged according to importance;
1. Perfect Time
No such thing as waiting for the perfect timing because there’s never really one. Its what you’re doing at the time that brings the perfection. Hardship are there to show us what we’re supposed to learn in order to grow. Disappointment in outcomes are suppose to open us to new opportunities for which we wouldn’t otherwise be available. Seizing the moment and focusing on it affects the part of the world that we actually can change.
Perfectionism kills performance, confidence and productivity. Instead of waiting for perfection, do your best at the moment and give room for improvement.
2. Stay Focused
Being purposeful means you know what you want out of life and you’re pursuing it. This means no room for mediocrity. Growing up has made the need to multi-task a prerequisite; we watch TV or play with our phone when eating, we have conversations while doing our jobs, we even do chores and other household activities when we talk with someone on the phone. But, the problem is, no one thing ever gets done to satisfaction, and at the end of the day we’ve only ever done a marginal job of everything. Summarily, when we remain focused on one task at a time, we get to finish it before moving to the next task and this helps us to not only do a better exceptional job, but we also give ourselves an opportunity to find a sense of joy in the smallest of details of our life.
3. Relationships. . . Open link to continue reading.

Much Love,

Oluwafunmibi Fayemi

GrownUp Decisions — May 30, 2018

GrownUp Decisions

Some Grown-up Look huh! 🙈👌

Earlier last week, I had a conversation with one of my girlfriends and it was about how she’s having a hard time making some real grownup decisions. How she’s not so sure about what to do or how to act. What to say. The effects of the past and present choices. . .
Honestly, when we had the conversation, I was in a very good place to talk to her. It felt like I know just the exact thing to say to her. At that moment, I was almost sure of what I want for myself and even the ones I wasn’t sure of, I was at a place of peace with myself and the right mind to share with another what I think works. Well, that was it until last weekend (during and after my grandma’s burial – May her soul rest in peace), I had moments of Reflection (which I’ve been having since the beginning of the month by-the-way). I reflected on the past one year and years before that and I realize my next birthday is just few days (well, I drafted this post days to my birthday but couldn’t post it due to bad network) away and then I got coldfeet on some major decisions I thought I already have figured out. Suddenly, I’m not just sure about a lot of things. Suddenly, I want to hide behind the shadows of juvenile days. Suddenly, I desire days I don’t have to dance to the tunes I make. .

20-something is Awesome! #stillinmy20s

Then, I remembered a friend was at this point too earlier on and I helped out. Maybe its time I take a dose of my own medicine, afterall, it worked already. So, below are excerpt from the conversation especially my part of it and the part I’m administering to my soul now because I’ve got a lot of grownup decisions to make too and I need a taste of me;

* First, don’t let the pressure get to you. Always remember its nothing but a phase that will roll over like the ones in the past.
* And for major decisions, some times (most times), its better to concentrate on the smaller goals and channel your positive energy into it. Achievable short goals has a way of reminding you how great you are rather than weighing yourself down with long term goals that drains you.
* Make decisions you want not because its an expectation of people from you but because you are sure you want to.
* We all have those moments of doubts, fears and uncertainties but just like moments, it eventually passes and if its the same girl (person) I’m fond of, you’ll come out on the other side wiser, stronger, bolder, better and finer.
* And last, remember no matter what you’re facing at the moment, you’re not alone, you are enough and God has put in you all you’ll ever need to get through; Strength, Wisdom, Peace, Tranquility, Joy, Perseverance, Love and the required Grace.
* I love you always and forever💖

Reading this ☝ and sharing it now just made me smile. Just like I’m trusting God with my grownup decisions, I hope you find Peace with yours too.

Much Love,
Oluwafunmibi Fayemi

P. S.; Share your experience too and how you got over that moment of fear, doubt and uncertainty in the comment box. Thanks!

Hey Beautiful, — May 20, 2018

Hey Beautiful,

Photo Credit; @ayotola_ ●|● Muse; @Mayriehogan

Hi guys, happy sunday!
So, I started a Leadership course that has to do with Marketing earlier this week and I’ve been having a great time studying. Amongst the curriculum for the first week are lectures on Understanding Customers and Creating Valuable Brands. The lecturer further taught by suggesting some videos to watch and this post is as a result of those videos.
Dove is a product introduced to customers by Unilever and after a while, the products started having competitors. Rather than simply focusing on cleansing, moisturizing and nourishing skin, Dove focused on bringing out the real beauty in all women. Rather than simply selling soap, Dove seeks to change the way women viewed themselves, and view beauty. By identifying with a group of customers, gaining insights into their hopes, dreams and fears just as Dove understands how women feel about beauty transform Dove into a multi-billion dollars business (Which is also not the main reason for this post too – but I’m sure you’ve picked one or two points).
There is a way we see ourselves that people don’t even see especially women. I’m not so sure if its as a result what of people have gone through, the words that has sticked closer to their soul, the failures and hurts they couldn’t get over, but somehow, its just easier to be self judgemental about oneself and this goes a long way into how people find it hard to really love themselves for who they are. There is a continuous search for a perfection that is clouding the acceptance of the beauty they can’t see.
This self disruptive attitude has caused a lot of people (especially women) so much already. It has lead to Low self-esteem, Depression, Anxiety, Anorexia, Substance addiction, etc. The study made by Dove made some women actually see how beautiful they are when shown the difference between what they think of themselves and what others think of them. Watch “Dove Real Beauty Sketches | You’re more beautiful”
Some didn’t even believe they look that young and beautiful. When told to analyse what they think of the images described by other people, they said nicer things.

Another study was done where different women all over the world was tested on their perception of themselves if they are Beautiful or on Average. Watch “Dove Choose Beautiful | Women all over the world”. A whole lot of women chose Average and it’s because they just don’t see themselves as beautiful. Beautiful seems too far-fetched for them, they’ve placed themselves on the scale of average because they already have a modeled features in mind that they don’t think they fit in. After failing the test, a lot of them felt bad about their choice and said they’ll choose otherwise if given another chance.
The truth is we all are beautiful in our own ways and accepting whatever our flaws are as part of what makes us unique goes a long way into living with the right attitude and energy towards life. You are only as strong as you think you are. What you think and say is what you are (no gimmicks).

Shine on Beautiful! 💕💞💕

Much Love,
Oluwafunmibi Fayemi

Writer’s Block — March 13, 2018

Writer’s Block

Celebrate you for every big and small achievement you make as you chase your dreams. Allow yourself to refresh your soul and rekindle the fire from within to move on.

For over two hours, typing the first word has been so hard. Truth is, I don’t know where to start from. If you’ve ever had ‘Writer’s block‘, then you’ll understand what it is I’m going through for the past 3 weeks. Its been a serious struggle between trying to think/picking interest in something or event, stay focus, conjure the images together and write. I mean everything and everywhere just went *blank*. I’ve tried so hard to force it until I realized I was just running on a spot. I need a break!

Since I can’t write, I can as well just read so I picked a book I got December, 2017 to read, “Eat the 🍪… Buy the 👠 by Joyce Meyer” and amazingly, its just the right book for the break. I realized I’ve been so caught up in my so many activities at a time that I’ve hardly given myself enough credit by attending to my emotional needs thereby making me run dry and exhausted and overwhelmed which lead to the Block. I need a refreshing of my spirit, body and soul. Give me what me need to push on and go a little further, get things done and be inspired.

Most of the times, we see it as being wasteful or that we don’t deserve the luxury of celebrating ourselves in the process of our endeavours and would rather we give someone else than take care of our needs.

Sometimes, all we need to do to celebrate our souls, this might not even cost a dime. You could just take a long nap, go fishing, visit a spa, watch comedy and laugh healthy, go swimming, buy yourself that new pair of shoes, or the tiny silver earrings you saw the other day, buy yourself a cup of 🍦and pepperoni 🍕 and the list is endless. Its not like you get to do this everyday.

The point is, its tiring doing all these bulky stuffs all by yourself with no break and you can’t expect someone else to give you that break your being yearns for although its helpful sometimes, it doesn’t come as often as you need it nor always address the need like you’d know what you want. But, the best way is you learning how to celebrate your own progress so you have strength to begin the next one without resentment.

Now I have a better angle to deal with the block and see it as a break time where I get to refresh myself.

Leave your comments and feedback. Share your opinions too. Thanks!

Much Love,

Oluwafunmibi Fayemi