Everyone is fighting for the girl child, creating NGOs for that cause. Don’t get me wrong, I’m equally passionate about it. I personally believe that empowering the girl-child and educating her will liberate her from the ignorance that makes her victims of abuse, child-parenting (early marriage), sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies and so on. But, we often forget that male and female created Him them and somehow, we’ve forgotten that the girl-child we’re striving for is one half of the society. To truly get it right, both parties need to be nurtured right. Empowering the girls won’t be enough if the boys remain uneducated and we’ll only end up raising superwomen with weak men, hence, leading to a society littered with over-burdened wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, bosses, subordinates and friends, where women will be wearied, stressed and drained from having to fix themselves as well as fix an adult who ought to be fixing himself and fixing things around the house or office.
I recently wrote an article on Violence Against Women (VAW) for a women activism programme where I wrote about my personal knowledge and experiences with VAW, the causes and panacea. Amongst the panacea I wrote about was equal education for both genders. The cycle of raising strong daughters and weak sons is wrong, sons who grew to become nonchalant and feast away while the women work. I believe this education starts with the family, the picture painted by parents and how the kids are raised. Boy-child needs attention as do the girl-child, they should be equally educated on the impacts of stunted dreams, violence, unwanted pregnancy, rape, addictions, etc.
Sons should be raised to be the picture of the husbands you desire for your daughters. Sons should be raised to be accountable for their actions and not feel untouchable for shameful acts just because of their gender. They should be educated on the importance of staying committed, loving and providing for their family exclusively such that when they get support from their spouses, her input will be very much appreciated. Sons should be taught that they are the sole protector of their homes, hence, will not run off to chase pleasure with the notion that ‘my wife will handle it‘.
I’m very much not the betting type, somehow, growing up, I made myself believe luck ain’t really my thing so I don’t go near gambling, betting or involving in any form of scheme and not even getting general bonuses from network providers further made me believe even when I see others around me getting them (lol). But, one thing I’ve ever gambled on is Myself. My pollyannaish attitude to life always make me believe I can get through any situation or stage I find myself. There is always hope for every new day.
Betting on yourself is almost always as a result of Self-confidence. The positive attitude you hold about yourself with realistic views that allows you to move forward and achieve your goals. With Self-confidence, even if things don’t go your way, you still believe that eventually, somehow, some way, they will.
For me, I practically visualize myself being and acting confident, and achieving what I wish by confidently going after it. Will there be fears? Yes. Will I be certain of the results? Not every time. But, I’ll do it anyways. Sweaty palms; Wobbly feet; Heart in my mouth. When negative thoughts and why it won’t work start popping up;
I self-talk myself to stop thinking and reframe my thoughts into positive ones, I eulogise myself for actually trying, I evaluate myself for stronger sense of self and I take risks by looking at new experiences as an opportunity to learn. Understanding that failure is a guaranteed part of the learning process and accepting this will reduce the frustration and disappointment I may feel along the way.
Betting on yourself doesn’t imply you’re unrealistic about yourself and continue reading.
If it didn’t happen to me, I would have argued that it’s a hearsay, but here I am writing about it. I’ve not been feeling too good for over a month now, but I mostly just attribute it to stress and harsh weather, so, I usually just rest it out and after a while, I’ll feel better. Until last week, I started having nightmares (that I wake up from, feeling the physical exhaustion from the struggles in my dream). I remember one that I woke up panting and paranoid (because I was running from someone). And honestly, I wasn’t scared. I didn’t see it as a spiritual thing (like my culture might have made me do), I only talked about it to a friend and it was on a very light mood. I was sure I’m fine, I’m in a good place (could be better tho) where relating with God is. So I basically just assumed it might just be images that conjured up because of the different Action and Crime movie series I’ve been watching lately. So no worries.
Well, until this last Sunday when I woke up with a very bad body pain which was all over (with more concentration on my thighs). Apparently, I had a nightmare where I was fighting using my body and kicked so hard till I woke up. What made this nightmare different was the pains, it felt so real but I chose not to pay attention to it. I went to church, went for lunch, came back and had a nap. I woke up from the nap with a very high body temperature and that was when I panicked. This ain’t no joke. . . Couldn’t reach my mum so I called my Pastor who prayed with me late that night because I was so scared to sleep (what I didn’t realize was that those struggles in my dreams was my body fighting the fever hitting it – I think it should have a psychological link tho).
I told a friend who insisted I go to the hospital because he has read about malaria causing nightmares and my symptoms are obviously fever so he encouraged me to treat malaria, which I did, the next day (Monday).
I took to Google (make it your bestfriend) to do my personal research and guess what I saw, he was right. According to FDA reports on ehealthme.com; Nightmares is found among people with Malaria, especially for people who are male, 20-29 years old, gender wise – 47.77% female and 52.23%male. I also found out that there are some co-existing conditions for people who have nightmares when down with malaria, and these are;
– Vestibular Disorder (disorders of the body’s balance (vestibular) system in the inner ear)
– Enteritis Infectious (infection with feline parvovirus (fpv), also known as feline panleucopenia virus)
– Preventive Health Care
– Multiple Allergies (allergy to multiple agents)
– Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
While the top symptoms for people with nightmares when malaria hits them includes;
– Insomnia (sleeplessness)
So, in my last post, I started a discussion on my 24th lesson and I labeled it “Be Purposeful“. I talked briefly about purpose and gave some ideas on some things to be proactive about in order to live our desired purposeful lives. Like I said in my previous posts, these points are not listed in order of importance, I write them as they come to mind, they are all important and I’ll try to wrap it all up in this post.
Living purposefully focuses on growth and improvement. You have to keep moving forward to achieve this. Naturally, you experience fear of failure, but, when you are living purposefully, you come to understand that you learn from every result. You accept full responsibility for the results you achieve. You breathe life into your craft when you practice it everyday as a lifestyle and not just a job. It could be a physical, mental, or spiritual practice, and it could be all three, but, practice defines our life and what our purpose is for living.
What differentiates a life of fulfillment and that of discontentment ultimately comes down to our intention to practice growth every day. We see beyond the limitations presented by our mind or body. We make decisions because we know what we want from life and keep at it.
5. Work With Your Standard
When you’re purposeful, you know who you are, your purpose, your values, your goals. You dedicate your life to pursue these and when making tough decisions comes up, you are not under pressure. You have standards set for yourself and act in accordance with your values. You seek supportive collaborative relationships aimed at achieving mutual benefits, you don’t have need for competition, comparison or jealousy. Your standard includes continuous growth, you constantly develop new knowledge and skills which can be of use to serve others while you work on achieving your personal goals and objectives. And you see the beauty in life, you appreciate every moment. . . Continue reading.
For the past 3 years now, I’ve made it a birthday ritual yearly to write at least a lesson I learnt over the year(s) and this year is not going to be an exception. I’m going to be sharing my 24th lesson and I hope you get to pick one or two points for use.
Lesson 24: Be Purposeful
Often times, when we talk about people living a purposeful life, what comes to mind are successes like being awarded as the best actor/actress, winning a competitive event, acing in a particular field, getting promoted in an organization, and the list goes on and on. But, does it have to be when we are fabulously successful at some glamorous profession before we can feel purposeful in life, or is there more to it?
Earlier last week, I had a conversation with one of my girlfriends and it was about how she’s having a hard time making some real grownup decisions. How she’s not so sure about what to do or how to act. What to say. The effects of the past and present choices. . .
Honestly, when we had the conversation, I was in a very good place to talk to her. It felt like I know just the exact thing to say to her. At that moment, I was almost sure of what I want for myself and even the ones I wasn’t sure of, I was at a place of peace with myself and the right mind to share with another what I think works. Well, that was it until last weekend (during and after my grandma’s burial – May her soul rest in peace), I had moments of Reflection (which I’ve been having since the beginning of the month by-the-way). I reflected on the past one year and years before that and I realize my next birthday is just few days (well, I drafted this post days to my birthday but couldn’t post it due to bad network) away and then I got coldfeet on some major decisions I thought I already have figured out. Suddenly, I’m not just sure about a lot of things. Suddenly, I want to hide behind the shadows of juvenile days. Suddenly, I desire days I don’t have to dance to the tunes I make. .
Then, I remembered a friend was at this point too earlier on and I helped out. Maybe its time I take a dose of my own medicine, afterall, it worked already. So, below are excerpt from the conversation especially my part of it and the part I’m administering to my soul now because I’ve got a lot of grownup decisions to make too and I need a taste of me;
* First, don’t let the pressure get to you. Always remember its nothing but a phase that will roll over like the ones in the past.
* And for major decisions, some times (most times), its better to concentrate on the smaller goals and channel your positive energy into it. Achievable short goals has a way of reminding you how great you are rather than weighing yourself down with long term goals that drains you.
* Make decisions you want not because its an expectation of people from you but because you are sure you want to.
* We all have those moments of doubts, fears and uncertainties but just like moments, it eventually passes and if its the same girl (person) I’m fond of, you’ll come out on the other side wiser, stronger, bolder, better and finer.
* And last, remember no matter what you’re facing at the moment, you’re not alone, you are enough and God has put in you all you’ll ever need to get through; Strength, Wisdom, Peace, Tranquility, Joy, Perseverance, Love and the required Grace.
* I love you always and forever💖
Reading this ☝ and sharing it now just made me smile. Just like I’m trusting God with my grownup decisions, I hope you find Peace with yours too.
P. S.; Share your experience too and how you got over that moment of fear, doubt and uncertainty in the comment box. Thanks!
Hi guys, happy sunday!
So, I started a Leadership course that has to do with Marketing earlier this week and I’ve been having a great time studying. Amongst the curriculum for the first week are lectures on Understanding Customers and Creating Valuable Brands. The lecturer further taught by suggesting some videos to watch and this post is as a result of those videos.
Dove is a product introduced to customers by Unilever and after a while, the products started having competitors. Rather than simply focusing on cleansing, moisturizing and nourishing skin, Dove focused on bringing out the real beauty in all women. Rather than simply selling soap, Dove seeks to change the way women viewed themselves, and view beauty. By identifying with a group of customers, gaining insights into their hopes, dreams and fears just as Dove understands how women feel about beauty transform Dove into a multi-billion dollars business (Which is also not the main reason for this post too – but I’m sure you’ve picked one or two points).
There is a way we see ourselves that people don’t even see especially women. I’m not so sure if its as a result what of people have gone through, the words that has sticked closer to their soul, the failures and hurts they couldn’t get over, but somehow, its just easier to be self judgemental about oneself and this goes a long way into how people find it hard to really love themselves for who they are. There is a continuous search for a perfection that is clouding the acceptance of the beauty they can’t see.
This self disruptive attitude has caused a lot of people (especially women) so much already. It has lead to Low self-esteem, Depression, Anxiety, Anorexia, Substance addiction, etc. The study made by Dove made some women actually see how beautiful they are when shown the difference between what they think of themselves and what others think of them. Watch “Dove Real Beauty Sketches | You’re more beautiful”
Some didn’t even believe they look that young and beautiful. When told to analyse what they think of the images described by other people, they said nicer things.
Another study was done where different women all over the world was tested on their perception of themselves if they are Beautiful or on Average. Watch “Dove Choose Beautiful | Women all over the world”. A whole lot of women chose Average and it’s because they just don’t see themselves as beautiful. Beautiful seems too far-fetched for them, they’ve placed themselves on the scale of average because they already have a modeled features in mind that they don’t think they fit in. After failing the test, a lot of them felt bad about their choice and said they’ll choose otherwise if given another chance.
The truth is we all are beautiful in our own ways and accepting whatever our flaws are as part of what makes us unique goes a long way into living with the right attitude and energy towards life. You are only as strong as you think you are. What you think and say is what you are (no gimmicks).
Shine on Beautiful! 💕💞💕
I think one of the easiest thing to do as humans is to dream. It’s very normal and easy to build castles in the air and imagine yourself in that sleek black Porsche cruising the town and even helping the poor (blah blah blah) but, the honest question is, how hard are you working towards owing one or doing that dream??! In life, it’s not just enough to be a dreamer, you have to be a doer too. Who would have taught Joseph with all those beautiful dreams will be sold for slavery and even jailed before living his dream? But, truth is in those moments he was being trained for the destined post and that’s him working).
Success don’t just come knocking on your door in your sleep, uhhhhmmmmm! NO! Nor does it come beaming at you while tanning your skin by the beach side, I don’t think so. You’ve got to pick yourself off that bed and go out to work because even your talents are useless if you don’t put them to work (Remember the bible story on Talent, Matthew 25:14-28). The multiplying factor only works on the Talent put to use.
If Steve Jobs had restricted himself to just his dreams then APPLE wouldn’t have been birthed.
If that your particular favourite actor didn’t go for his/her first audition, you’d probably not see them on your screen today.
If Da Vinci didn’t paint the Mona Lisa even after getting inspired no one will behold the beauty sight.
If Ayo Makun & Kelvin Harts didn’t work hard giving appearances in shows and events no matter how funny they are, their talent is a waste.
If Thomas Edison didn’t work hard to invent Electric Light Bulb then I wonder how we’ll illuminate a dark room.
Bottom line: In REALITY you’ll work before having success, so wake up and quit dreaming to start doing. The beauty of dreaming and learning is when it all leads to action and trust me, the world needs MEN & WOMEN with dreams like yours who are ready to ACTUALIZE IT!